So much to blog about...so little time.

Or not. Today was average. Food tech. Made bread, ate it, wanted to purge.  Pse... meh. Spanish...meh. Pe, basketball- super-fun, I scored a lot :3. Spoilt by the awkward moment at the end when my teacher asks me why I always wear long sleeves in front of everyone. I ended up muttering something about just getting into the habit. Well, what did she expect me to say...the truth ? O.o "Oh, yeah, I wear it to cover the scars I have from slicing my wrist open and where I wrote Fat all across my arms. K.thanks.Bye." ....

Anyway: Day 4- A song that makes you sad. It had to be this...

Erghhh...I want to cry whenever I hear it because it reminds me of when my ex- almost step Dad left :/ ~

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[Insert mildly amusing title here]

So I'm feeling a lot less...dead..than before. I didn't have time to do anything online really yesterday.
Physics...
RE...found out our result didn't change after remarking so I'm stuck with my B.
Biology...the effects of exercise...yay.
Maths...Trig.
English...more poems.

Went food shopping. Not much fun. Home, did biology homework, watched the Simpsons which was kinda appropriate ( it was the one where Marge kinda adopts Nelson and Lisa want to lose weight (!) and goes to a shop where it says 'purging girls only' on the bathroom.) Then I had dinner which consisted of curly fries and a lump of semi cooked chicken. Yum. Food tech. Homework (with the help of a few people on PT! Thankyou :) ) and History homework.

Today. Supposed to be at school but I'm not. I'm missing Spanish, history, Chemistry and Biology but right now, I couldn't give a shit. I'd better catch up on my song challenge.

Day 2- your least favourite song. Ooo, hard one. It had to be this :

Day 3- a song that makes you happy. I'm not sure any song really makes me happy but seeing as my version of happiness is probably very different to yours:

~

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If you want to be depressed, why not talk to me for about half an hour ?

Fucked up. I just stood in my room for half an hour on a chair with my light switch string tied around my neck. Contemplating it. Contemplating everything. Contemplating pushing the chair over. I don't know why. I haven't felt too bad recently, I've only cut about once a day, that's good compared to what I normally do. Fuck. I just don't fucking know why. Why do I want to die ? Why do I hate everything ? Why the fuck didn't I do it ? Sorry for contaminating the internet with my useless suicidal ramblings, I don't expect you..whoever you are...to care. Life is fucking pointless. This isn't even living, I'm just here, breathing, waiting for death. I'm nothing. Nothing's fucking real. I just want to die. ~

Today.

...was not too bad :]

-Physics...experiment. I'm not sure what it was about, I don't listen a lot.
-English...poems...****
-PE...
-Maths. Shit.
-Chemistry...meh.

On the plus side I almost made my friend cry by letting her listen to my ipod. It was a joke...I'm not that mean ! I played Asking Alexandria The Final Episode. Heh...

So... The 30 day song challenge Take 2:

Day 1...your favourite song.It changes a lot, it's currently Two door cinema club: Cigarettes in the theatre.

 Awesome band...if you haven't heard any of their songs...then you should... :) ~

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So I haven't been online a lot recently.

...or blogged. I don't know why, I've been pretty antisocial lately...and I have so much to catch up on ! I'll restart my song challenge thing tomorrow :) Wow...I have 7 followers, ahh yay XD Thank you all for following. I'll follow back (if I haven't already :3 )

Today was pretty shit. Saw my mum in ASDA. She was sober (*gasp of amazement*) and just out of hospital...again. Apparently her legs stopped working and she had to have the nose tube thing because she wouldn't eat.

Yesterday I volunteered, only 2 weeks left ! (YAY.) Friday School and town, I bought earrings (I'm re-piercing my ears, I had my lobes done but I'll redo them, another on my left ear and a cartilage. Luckily I don't mind the pain... A checked hoodie from New look <3 Headband, school bag. And.....Two door cinema club CD <3 <3 <3 as well as MCR TBP <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Food. Fuck. I've eaten so much lately. I haven't weighed in for so long because I'm pretty sure when I do I'll want to die...even more than I already do. Tomorrow I'm just going to fucking fast. If not then fuck life :) ~

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Catching up !

Seems like I haven't been online for ages when in reality it's only like 2 days ! So...yesterday was pretty good, DT-made bread, PSE- learnt about the effects of alcohol (as if I actually need to know any more about it with my parents), PE-basketball- fun, scored quite a lot :) After school I had a DofE meeting, first aid so basically bandages and slings. I don't see the point in them, if I cut myself...which I tend to do quite often :/ ...I don't put anything on it, all I want to do is hide it. Anyway, it was pretty funny, we had to do lifts so this boy in my group tried to lift me, so I bit him ... Pretty embarrassing but it would be worse if he broke his back or something :/ He was pretty high at the time anyway so I'm not sure if he can really recall it :L Today I had physics, maths, Spanish, English (which was good because my class applauded the part of my poem I read out ! I'll post it later :) ) and Chemistry. Not much else has happened :/ Gave in my prefect application (yn).

@Lilyzara: Thanks :) I'll post when I find out, hopefully it won't be long ! Good luck with the peer mentor thing ! xxx

Fuck, people annoy me sometimes. I mentioned PICA to my best friend today and explained it and all she had to say was: "Is that what anorexic people have ? ".....no comment.

Later I'll catch up on my 30 day song challenge. ~

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Prefect application help ?

I'm applying for School prefect, Form prefect, Sports prefect and Listening Link in the hope that'll I'll get one. Here's my application, I don't know if it's alright :/ If anyone does read this, do you think it'll be okay ?

Why have you applied for this role?

I am applying for the role of prefect for numerous reasons. I feel I am benefitting greatly from my education at BHBS and have been presented with many opportunities to succeed and develop as a person over the past few years. The role of prefect would enable me to help take responsibility in helping others to benefit from their experience at our school in the same way as I have. I would be delighted to have the chance to give something back to the school.

What personal qualities could you bring to the role?

I have chosen the prefect roles I believe I could be most suited to and would allow me to contribute most to the school and just as importantly, my fellow pupils.  I would like to think that my dedication and considerate personality makes me approachable by other students at times when they may need my help and reassurance. I hope that others would find me trustworthy and someone they could confide in and relate to. I trust that my organisational skills and logical personality could enable me to contribute effectively as a prefect.

Describe any relevant experience you may have which could help you to carry out this job?

I have always been a strong believer in making the most of every opportunity and experience I have been offered, for this reason I enjoy participating in many things, including Sports day, house matches and form assemblies. I try to do everything to the best of my ability. In the past I have always tried to involve myself in the extra-curricular activities provided by our school such as music, sports and more recently, The Duke of Edinburgh award and the Kielder Challenge. I believe these have all helped me to develop teamwork skills which could be applied to the role of prefect. I also hope that my experiences out of school could help me relate to other students in need of support if they’re in situations similar to my personal experiences.

What difficulties do you think you may encounter in carrying out the job?

I’d like to think that I can overcome any problems that I could encounter as a prefect although I cannot think of many immediate problems that I could come across. I feel that in the past I may have found my somewhat introverted personality an obstacle however, I now believe that the role of prefect is not limited to those who can shout the loudest but to people who enjoy making a real difference to the community found in school.

How would you benefit from the role of a prefect?

My ambition is to study medicine and I feel that the responsibilities and trust associated with being a prefect would be very helpful in the future, I realise that the medical profession is an extremely competitive field to enter and, not to put too fine a point on it, becoming a prefect would help tremendously in future applications to college and university. I also hope that this opportunity would help me to continue to develop as a person and become more self-confident.

If someone is being bullied, what would they expect from you as a prefect?

A student in this situation would expect complete confidentiality and trustworthiness, they would also expect me to really listen to their problem, while giving them advice and support where necessary. I would be expected to be a good role model who they can easily relate to, with the integrity to see their problem through to the end and during that process, explore every possible solution. 

I'll do a proper post tomorrow but I'm a little rushed right now ! ~

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500 calories.

ABC starts today. 500 calories. I've had over but I'm going to exercise like hell tonight and abuse some more laxatives :/
I had:
2 packets special K mini breaks- 198
Coke 0 - N/a
Some cake at school- 25
Pizza - 400

= 623. Shit. About 13 minutes running should do the trick.

School was pretty boring, Physics, R.E, Biology, Maths and English. English was alright, I wrote a poem. I'll upload it later :)

I said I would so here goes: Day 1 of the 30 day song challenge: Your favourite song.

Hard to choose really ! Right now, it would have to be Na Na Na ?(x47) by My chemical romance. <3

Awesome song, check it out ! XD ~

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30 day song challenge !

Ok, so I know I got a little bored with the photo one but I prefer songs to photos so I'll give it a go ! Starting tomorrow :) :

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy 
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event 
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep 
day 11 - a song from your favorite band 
day 12 - a song from a band you hate 
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure 
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love 
day 15 - a song that describes you 
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate 
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry 
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood 
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year ~


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I cried in the dinner hall.

Happy Monday ! Today was weird. I had physics, but I did a biology test, then English- wrote some shockingly awful poetry, P.e- just messed around, Maths- some thrilling quadratic equations and surds, Chemistry- drug synthesis. Lunch was pretty funny to be honest, our school's imposing (is that the right word or have I used it out of context... ?) new rules about eating, we're not allowed in the dinner hall unless we buy food, not allowed share food...and so on. So as usual, I didn't want food but I went in with my mates. The dinner lady comes over and has a go at me for being there without food so I had to pretend to eat my friends cake only all the dinner ladies gathered round me and forced me to eat the cake...on a plate, they even made me get cutlery ! WTF ? Cutlery+ cake = monumental fuck up. So yeah, pretty shit, I had to eat the cake (which I'm guessing/hoping was under 200 calories ) and pay my best friend 50p for eating her cake. Anyway, we were all laughing so much I cried. To be fair, I was crying half through laughing and half through having to eat the fucking cake... ~

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Few things are as sad as a broken guitar.

My guitar string broke. So annoying ! Especially as I was just getting to grips with playing Na Na Na (x 47) by Mcr !  Hopefully get it re-stringed soon :) Other than that, it's been a really rather uneventful weekend, volunteering Saturday and that was about it. Happy Sunday to anyone reading :P ~

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R.E results...

So I got a B in R.E (GCSE) :/ I was predicted an A*....
It's not so bad though seeing as the majority of people in my year got F and U. Someone managed to get 3/50...how's that even possible ? B was the highest mark in the year. My schools gonna get them all remarked and investigate it seeing as we all pretty much failed :L ~

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Thought of the day : zombies are so cliche ~

Anyway...I didn't make pancakes after all XD Cba. They're too messy and I hate mess, especially when it has anything to do with food. Fasted for 18 hours...fail. I ate a creme egg (198) Fml. I really need to stop putting off abc, I put it off until tomorrow because I didn't want to start on an odd number...OCD kicking in there.
I hope you've all had a good day ...(you referring to anyone reading this, although I doubt anyone would want to, and even if they did they'd have got bored by now) . I'm rambling so..adios !~

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Happy Pancake day !

I didn't even know it was pancake day ! I love pancakes... I know I shouldn't but I'm going to have some pancakes seeing as I've already fucking failed. Binged and purged so much today I may as well just have a pancake. Back to fasting tomorrow, I need to lose right now, I'm in such a bad place..like in my head, I'm currently just under 99.5lbs. I've always said if I get to 100 I'm killing myself, but now I don't want to die fat so...? I think that extra 1/2 pound would just push me over the edge. But anyway, Happy pancake day... ~

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I'm back :)

Back from Llanrug in North Wales, it was amazing. I went with some people from school, climbed Snowdon on Saturday and canoeing yesterday. It was lovely but I ate so fucking much </3

Seriously:
3 minieggs
1 creme egg
4 cupcakes
1 icecream
1 plain baguette
1 bowl of cocoa pops
2 kitkats
2 pieces of toast
1 pack crisps
2 bottles of coke
6 chicken nuggets
1/2 a plate of  bolognese
1 apple

Erghh...they fed us crap all weekend :( I'm too scared to weigh myself yet but hopefully it'll balance out, 3 hours canoeing, walking up Snowdon and a 5 mile night walk ? Anyway...I'd better catch up with everyone on PT XD ~

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